02.05.2010
The newly minted Democratic lieutenant governor candidate in Illinois was once arrested for beating up a hooker. This revelation came to light after he was nominated in a heavily contested primary, apparently because no one running for office in Illinois knows how to do opposition research. (e.g. Give police chief suitcase full of money, chief gives you double-secret sealed court records.) Caught out, the candidate decided not to fall back on the more-plausible excuse of "Hey, every Illinois politician beats at least a half dozen hookers during his lifetime." He decided to go with the excuse pioneered by famed hooker-beater and occasional actor Tom Sizemore: "I didn't know she was a hooker. Also she was my girlfriend." This causes a problem for Gov. Pat Quinn, who has to run on the same ticket with him, like president and VP. Then again, we know Quinn killed a hooker at a truck stop last year, but they covered it up because he's governor. Leave a comment